Diabetes is such a common term in our house, I rarely realize I say it, it's so common. Words like sugar, carbs, strips, lancets, juice, ect. are language that's become so regular, so ingrained in my mind, I don't even hear them, That being said, I am know to have moments where I slip into an oblivion, my mind wanders and for a brief moment, I forget about diabetes. Moments like this don't happen often, but when they do, they shake me to the core.
Riding in the car on the way home from dance practice, Laila grabbed a snack from her diabetes supply purse and, without skipping a beat, entered the numbers into her pump and shouted from the back seat to let me know how much insulin she was receiving. I stared at the red light in front of me, confused, wondering what on Earth she was telling me, and she had to remind me she was talking insulin, not just chanting some random numbers from the backseat of my van. She laughed and said I must have been daydreaming, and daydreaming I sure was. I was remembering a simpler time, a simpler place, a simpler life. Life before diabetes, finger pokes, 2am blood sugar checks, mios and insulin.
Recently, my husband and I have been discussing adding just one more sweet child to our family. We have been toying with the idea, crunching numbers, laughing over crib bedding and bouncing names off each other. At the end of the day, neither of us are sure we're prepared. The big pink elephant in the room has been hanging out with us through each conversation, silently reminding us of the possibility of another diabetic child. It sure is great to consider the great things we want, but at the end of the day, reality strikes again. With two "health" children, our odds sure look good, but Laila was "healthy" once too. Every time one of our other kids get sick, they use the bathroom too much, seem like they're wanting a lot to drink, my heart sinks. I'm paranoid, I'll admit it, but can you blame me? Dare I bring yet another innocent child into this world knowing what they might be up against in the future?
Laila, to me, is so much more than "a diabetic". She's beautiful, spunky, smart, sassy, strong, independent, and brave. She's also mine. I know whatever obstacles face us in the future, we'll face them together. Diabetes or not, we're unstoppable, both here, and in my dreams.